"Someone hates me? That is his problem. My only problem is ensuring I do nothing that deserves to be hated."

In ancient Athens, there was a statesman named Aristides who was famous for his integrity. He was so fair that people called him Aristides the Just. However, human nature being what it is, his perfection annoyed his political rivals. They organized a vote to have him banished from the city. This process was called ostracism.

On the day of the vote, Aristides was walking through the market. An illiterate farmer, who didn't recognize him, stopped him. The farmer handed Aristides a piece of broken pottery and asked him to write the name "Aristides" on it so he could cast his vote for banishment.

Aristides didn't get angry. He didn't reveal who he was. He simply asked the farmer, "Has this man Aristides ever done you any wrong?" The farmer replied, "No, I don't even know him. I'm just sick and tired of hearing everyone call him 'The Just.'" Aristides didn't argue. He took the pottery, wrote his own name on it, and handed it back to the farmer. He was banished shortly after.

Aristides understood this concept well. The farmer's hatred wasn't about Aristides. It was about the farmer's own petty annoyance and ignorance. That was the farmer's problem. Aristides' only job was to be just. If he had screamed at the farmer or refused to help, he would've acted unjustly. He would've become a man who deserved to be hated. By writing his name, he maintained his character, even as he lost his home.

This quote is the ultimate shield against social anxiety. We spend so much energy trying to be liked. We twist ourselves into knots trying to appease people who hate us. Marcus cuts the cord. He reminds us that hatred is an emotion that happens inside the other person's body. It belongs to them. It is their property.

If you haven't done anything wrong—if you've been kind, fair, and honest—then their hatred is just a malfunction of their judgment. It says nothing about you. But the moment you react with malice, you validate their hatred. You give them a reason to hate you. Your job is to keep your side of the street clean. If they want to throw trash on their own lawn, let them.

Errors & Corrections

• Don't confuse your reputation with your character. Reputation is what they say about you (their problem). Character is what you actually do (your problem).
• Don't try to debate someone out of their hatred. Hatred is often emotional, not logical, and you cannot reason a person out of a feeling they didn't reason themselves into.
• Don't change your behavior to please irrational critics. If you compromise your values to stop them from hating you, you will end up hating yourself.

Applications to Modern Life

Work

You might have a coworker who dislikes you simply because you are new or because you are efficient. They might roll their eyes in meetings. This is their problem. Do not stop being efficient to please them. Do not become snarky to get even. If you continue to be excellent and professional, their hatred will look increasingly unreasonable to everyone else.

Social Media

Creators often get "dislikes" or angry comments on perfectly innocent videos. The algorithm actually encourages this division. If someone leaves a hateful comment, do not reply. The comment is a reflection of their bad day, not your content. If you engage, you risk saying something nasty, and then you do deserve the criticism.

Politics

In a polarized environment, people might hate you just for the party you vote for. They don't know you, yet they despise you. This is the Aristides situation. They are tired of "the Other Side". Maintain your dignity. Be a good neighbor. Let their hatred be a lonely fire that burns itself out because you refuse to add wood to it.

Leadership

A leader often has to make unpopular decisions. You might have to cut a budget or enforce a rule. People will be angry. That is okay. Your job isn't to be loved; your job is to lead effectively. As long as your decision was made fairly and transparently, you have done nothing to deserve hate. Accept the unpopularity as the cost of the position.

Maxims

• Keep your side of the street clean.
• Don't provide the evidence.
• Reputation is a shadow; character is the tree.

In-depth Concepts

The Dichotomy of Control

This is the foundational principle of Stoicism. Some things are up to us (our actions, our judgments), and some things are not (others' opinions, our reputation). Marcus is applying this strictly here. The feeling of hatred in another person's heart is 100% not up to us. Therefore, it is indifferent. Our own action is up to us. Therefore, it is the only thing that carries moral weight.

Ataraxia (Imperturbability)

The goal of the Stoic is to remain unbothered. When you realize that other people's emotions are their own responsibility, you achieve ataraxia. You stop taking things personally. You realize that someone hating you is no different than someone having a headache. It's an internal condition of theirs that doesn't require you to suffer.