"If you want your children and your wife and your friends to live forever, you are foolish; for you want things to be in your power which are not, and what belongs to others to be your own."

John Wooden is widely considered the greatest coach in the history of sports. He led the UCLA Bruins to ten NCAA championships in twelve years, including seven in a row. His teams once won 88 consecutive games.

With a record like that, you would assume Wooden was obsessed with winning. You would think he gave fiery speeches about crushing the opponent and seizing the trophy. He didn't. In fact, John Wooden rarely talked about "winning" at all.

Wooden believed that winning was not in his control. The score was a result of a million variables like the referees, the crowd, the luck of the bounce, and the health of the players. To focus on the score was to focus on what was not up to the team.

Instead, Wooden focused obsessively on what was under the team's control. On the first day of practice, he didn't have his players run drills. He sat them down and taught them how to put on their socks and tie their shoes. He showed them how to smooth out the wrinkles so they wouldn't get blisters. Why? Because a blister is a distraction. A distraction leads to a loss of focus. A loss of focus leads to a missed assignment.

Wooden defined success not as outscoring the other team, but as "peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable." He told his players, "Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability."

By shrinking his concern down to the smallest details of preparation (socks, shoes, effort), Wooden removed the anxiety of the outcome. His teams played with a strange, calm intensity because they weren't playing the scoreboard. They were playing their own standard.

Epictetus calls us foolish when we want things like immortality for our loved ones or guaranteed success. We're like a coach screaming at the scoreboard instead of coaching the players. We're demanding that the universe (which we don't control) obey our wishes.

The price of tranquility is the surrender of the outcome. You can want your wife to live, but you can't demand it. You can want to win the game, but you can't require it. You can only require that you tie your shoes correctly.

Errors & Corrections

Don't confuse "wanting" with "demanding". It's natural to wish for your family's safety. It's foolish to expect* it as a guaranteed right. The Stoic loves deeply but holds loosely, knowing that loss is possible. Don't attach your self-worth to the scoreboard. If you only feel good when you win, you're a slave to your opponent. If you feel good when you prepare well*, you're the master of your joy.

• Don't ignore the small things. We often dream of the big victory but ignore the socks and shoes. The big victory is just a pile of small things done correctly.

Applications to Modern Life

Interpersonal Relationships

You want your child to get into Harvard. That's not up to you. It depends on the admissions officer, the other applicants, and luck. If you attach your peace to that outcome, you'll be an anxious, pushy parent. Instead, focus on what is up to you: raising a curious, kind, and hard-working child. No matter what the educational outcome, you still succeeded.

Work

You want the project to launch perfectly on Tuesday. But the server might crash, or a vendor might quit. You can't guarantee the launch. You can guarantee the existence of a contingency plan. Focus on the preparation, not the prediction.

Leadership

A leader who screams about "hitting the numbers" creates a culture of fear and cheating (like Enron). A leader who focuses on "executing the process" creates a culture of excellence. Like Wooden, teach your team to tie their shoes. The numbers will take care of themselves.

Athleticism & Sport

In golf, once the ball leaves the clubface, you have zero control over it. Leaning, yelling, or praying won't change its flight. The only thing you control is the swing. The Stoic golfer forgets the bad shot immediately and focuses entirely on the next swing.

Politics

Elections are the ultimate "scoreboard". We often obsess over polls and pundits, terrified of the result we cannot control. A Stoic citizen focuses on the "socks and shoes" of democracy: casting an informed vote, volunteering for a cause, and engaging in civil discourse. If you attach your sanity to a specific election result, you're a slave to the electorate. If you attach it to your own civic participation, you remain free.

Social Media

You want to go viral. You can't control the algorithm. You can control the quality of your art. Focus on making something beautiful or true. If it reaches three people, you succeeded in the making. If it reaches three million, that's just a bonus.

Maxims

• The process is the prize.
• Tie your shoes; let the score handle itself.
• Don't argue with reality.

In-depth Concepts

Orexis & Ekklesis (Desire & Aversion)

Epictetus teaches that we must retrain our Orexis (Desire) and Ekklesis (Aversion). A fool desires things they can't control (immortality, wealth) and is averse to things they can't avoid (death, sickness). This guarantees misery. The wise person desires only virtue and is averse only to vice. Since these are under their control, they're never disappointed.

Ataraxia (Untroubledness)

Wooden's definition of success ("Peace of mind...") is a great description of Ataraxia. It's the state of knowing you did everything in your power. It removes the "should have, would have, could have" that plagues the unprepared mind.