"The first bond of union is between husband and wife; the next between parents and children; then we find one home, with everything in common. This is the foundation of civil government, the nursery, as it were, of the state."

In the 2nd Century BC, there was a Roman woman named Cornelia. She was a widow and the daughter of the famous general Scipio Africanus. She was highly educated, wealthy, and influential. King Ptolemy VIII of Egypt actually proposed marriage to her. She could have been a Queen.

Cornelia refused the crown. She said she had a more important job to do. She had to raise her sons.

One day, a wealthy Roman woman visited Cornelia's home. The visitor spent hours showing off her collection of emeralds, pearls, and gold jewelry. She boasted about their cost and rarity. Finally, she asked to see Cornelia's jewels.

Cornelia waited for her two sons, Tiberius and Gaius, to return from school. When they walked through the door, she put her arms around them and said to the visitor, "These are my jewels."

Cornelia didn't view her children as pets or accessories. She viewed them as future leaders of Rome. She personally supervised their education, hiring the best Greek tutors in rhetoric and philosophy. She wasn't just raising boys, she was raising citizens.

Her sons, the Gracchi brothers, went on to become two of the most significant (and controversial) political reformers in Roman history. Whether you agree with their politics or not, their impact was undeniable. They were the direct product of Cornelia's "nursery". She understood that the quality of the state depends entirely on the quality of the people produced by the family.

Cicero calls the family the "nursery" of the state. A nursery is where you grow saplings before they are strong enough to be planted in the open field. If the sapling is twisted or diseased in the nursery, the tree will be crooked in the forest.

We often think that politics happens in the Senate or the voting booth. Cicero argues that politics begins at the breakfast table. This is where we learn everything in common. This is where we learn to share, to negotiate, to sacrifice for the group, and to respect authority. If a child does not learn justice in the home, they will not practice justice in the state.

If the "primary bond" of marriage and family collapses, the secondary bond of government cannot hold. You cannot build a marble city out of rotten bricks.

Errors & Corrections

• Don't view parenting as merely "keeping them alive". View it as civil service. You are manufacturing the next generation of citizens for your community.
• Don't think your home life is private and disconnected from the world. The chaos or peace you create in your home walks out the door every morning in the form of you and your children.

Don't prioritize success over character. Cornelia didn't show off her sons' grades or money. She showed them*. Their character was the jewel.

Applications to Modern Life

Parenting

Modern parenting often focuses on happiness or achievement. We want our kids to get into good colleges and have high self-esteem. The Stoic parent asks: "Will this child be a good neighbor? Will they be a just leader? Will they serve the common good?" If you raise a genius who is selfish, you have harmed the state, not helped it.

Marriage

Cicero notes that the couple has "everything in common". Today, many couples operate like roommates with separate bank accounts and separate lives. While financial independence is fine, the spirit of the union must be shared. If you view your marriage as a transactional contract ("I do this if you do that"), you are missing the bond of union. A Stoic marriage is a partnership of shared purpose.

Politics

We spend a lot of energy arguing about laws and presidents. We spend less energy strengthening our local families. If you want a better country, go home and love your family. A nation of broken, lonely, and neglected people will inevitably produce a broken, angry government. The stability of the state starts with the stability of the home.

Work

A leader in a company creates a "work family" culture (in the healthy sense). If the team feels no bond and is just mercenaries working for a paycheck, the company will crumble under pressure. The "primary bond" of trust and shared resources must exist for the team to function.

Maxims

• The state begins at home.
• Raise citizens, not consumers.
• As the family goes, so goes the city.

In-depth Concepts

Oikos vs. Polis

The Greeks distinguished between the Oikos (the private household) and the Polis (the public city). However, the Stoics saw them as a continuum. The Oikos is the training ground for the Polis. You cannot be a tyrant in the Oikos and a democrat in the Polis. Your character is formed in private and revealed in public.

Seminarium Rei Publicae

This is Cicero's Latin phrase for "nursery of the republic". It implies that the state is an organic thing that grows. It is not a machine built by laws. It is a forest grown from families. To neglect the family is to poison the soil of the republic.