"In this role [of family], my duty is not conditional on theirs. 'My father is bad.' But nature did not define that you should have a good father, but simply a father. 'My brother wrongs me.' Keep your own place then."

Ludwig van Beethoven is one of the most celebrated composers in history, but his home life was a nightmare. His father, Johann, was a mediocre court singer and a severe alcoholic. Johann realized early on that Ludwig was a prodigy, so he decided to exploit him.

Johann would come home drunk late at night, drag the young Ludwig out of bed, and force him to practice the piano until dawn, often beating him if he played a wrong note. He treated his son as a source of income, not a child to be loved.

By the time Ludwig was a teenager, Johann’s alcoholism had destroyed his voice and his career. The family was on the brink of starvation. Ludwig could have easily abandoned his father. He could have left home, full of righteous anger, and let the old man drink himself to death. Instead, at age 17, Ludwig petitioned the court to have half of his father’s salary paid directly to him. He took over the role of head of the household. He managed the money, fed his brothers, and ensured his father had a roof over his head and clothes to wear.

Beethoven didn't do this because his father was "good". He did it because Johann was his father. Beethoven refused to let his father’s bad behavior destroy his own character as a son. He maintained his place. He fulfilled the duties of the role, even though the other person in the relationship had failed completely.

Epictetus teaches a hard lesson here. We often view relationships as transactional contracts: "If you treat me well, I will treat you well. If you are a bad dad, I don't have to be a good son." Epictetus says this is wrong. Your duties are defined by Nature, not by the other person's performance. The role of "Son" or "Brother" or "Citizen" carries certain obligations (respect, support, fairness). These obligations are unilateral. They depend on who you are, not on what they do.

If you return injury for injury, you have allowed the other person to dictate your character. You have become just like them. The Stoic goal is to maintain your own integrity in being a good son even to a bad father because that is the only thing under your control.

Errors & Corrections

• Don't confuse "duty" with "endurance of abuse". You can protect your physical safety and set boundaries while still fulfilling the duty of the role (e.g., ensuring an abusive parent is cared for from a distance, rather than abandoning them to the streets).

Don't say, "They don't deserve my kindness." Kindness is not a wage you pay them for good behavior. It's the standard of your own soul. You are kind because you* are kind, not because they are worthy.

• Don't wait for an apology. If your duty is conditional on their apology, you are a slave to their ego. Act correctly now, regardless of their contrition.

Applications to Modern Life

Family Estrangement

You might have a sibling who is selfish, toxic, or rude. You feel justified in cutting them off or being rude back. Epictetus says, "Keep your own place." You don't have to spend every Sunday with them, but you must not wish them harm, gossip about them, or actively injure them. You must remain the "Good Brother" even if they are the "Bad Brother".

Divorce

When a marriage ends, the ex-spouse often becomes the "enemy". But if you have children, your role is co-parent. Even if they are difficult, lazy, or mean, your duty is to facilitate a relationship for your children. If you badmouth them to the kids, you are failing your duty because of their failure. You are breaking your own character.

Work

You have a boss who is incompetent and ungrateful. The temptation is to slack off or sabotage the work. But your role is "Employee". As long as you hold the title, you owe the role your best effort. Do the job with excellence for your own sake. If you can't stand the boss, quit. But don't stay and rot.

Civic Life

A politician you hate wins an election. You might want to check out, stop paying taxes, or root for the country to fail so they look bad. But your role is "Citizen". A citizen seeks the good of the whole. You must continue to contribute to the common good, even if the leadership is flawed.

Maxims

• My duty is mine; yours is yours.
• The role defines the act.
• Don't trade your integrity for their vice.

In-depth Concepts

Kathēkon (Appropriate Action)

This is the Stoic term for "duty" or "proper function." It refers to actions that are appropriate to our nature as social animals (honoring parents, caring for children, serving the state). These duties are derived from our biological and social relations. To neglect a kathēkon is to act against nature.

The Persona (The Mask/Role)

Stoicism often views life as a play. We are assigned roles (Personae). You might be cast as "The Son of a Fool". You cannot choose the cast, but you can choose how well you play your role. If you play the "Son" role poorly because the "Father" actor is bad, you are the one who ruins the scene. The playwright (Nature) will judge your performance based on how you handled the difficulty, not on how easy the scene was.