"Don't demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well."

In 1932, Amelia Earhart set out to become the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic. Her plan was perfect. Her Lockheed Vega 5B was top of the line. She had the best navigation tools available.

But the Atlantic didn't care about her plan. Hours into the flight, her altimeter broke. She had no idea how high she was flying. Then, a severe storm hit. Ice began to form on her wings, weighing the plane down. If she flew too high, the wings would ice up and she would crash. If she flew too low, she risked hitting the waves in the dark. To make matters worse, a weld in her exhaust manifold broke, spewing blue flames and toxic fumes into the cockpit.

Most pilots would've panicked. They would've screamed, "This shouldn't be happening! The forecast said clear skies! The mechanic said the plane was ready!"

Earhart didn't waste any energy on "should." She didn't demand that the ice melt or the manifold fix itself. She accepted the new reality instantly. She flew just above the waves to melt the ice, fighting the controls for 14 hours straight. She abandoned her goal of Paris and landed in a cow pasture in Ireland.

She survived because she didn't argue with physics. She adapted for the weather she had instead of wishing for the weather she wanted, and adjusted her flying to match it.

Epictetus gives us insight into an untroubled life in one sentence. He identifies the source of all frustration: The Demand.

We walk around with a list of demands for the universe:

• "Traffic should be light."
• "My partner should be on time."
• "It shouldn't rain on my wedding."

When the universe violates these demands (which it does constantly), we get angry. We feel personally attacked. But the universe isn't attacking us. It's just doing what it does. Traffic exists, rain falls, and people are late.

The Stoic flips the script. Instead of demanding that reality align with their desires, they align their desires with reality. If it rains, they say, "I wish for rain." Now they're in harmony with the world. They're invincible because whatever happens is exactly what they "wanted."

Errors & Corrections

• Don't fight the weather. You can yell at a storm, but you'll just get wet and lose your voice. The storm doesn't hear you. Treat rude people, traffic, and delays like weather. Put on your raincoat of patience and keep walking.
• Don't use "should" on reality. "He shouldn't have said that." But he did. "It shouldn't be broken." But it is. The word "should" is a form of denial. Replace "It shouldn't be" with "It is. Now what?"
• Don't confuse acceptance with passivity. Earhart accepted the ice. She didn't just sit there and die. She accepted the fact of the ice so she could deal with it effectively. You have to accept the problem to solve it.

Applications to Modern Life

Work

You diligently prepare for a presentation, but the projector breaks. The Demand says, "This is a disaster! It should work!" The Stoic says, "I wish for a broken projector. This is a chance to show I can command the room without over-relying on slides." You pivot to a whiteboard session. You look adaptable and confident.

Leadership

A key employee quits unexpectedly. The Demand says, "They're disloyal! I need them!" The Stoic says, "People leave. That's the nature of business. I wish for this vacancy so I can bring in fresh talent." You turn a loss into an upgrade.

Athleticism & Sport

The referee makes a bad call. The Demand says, "That's unfair!" You argue and lose focus. The Stoic says, "Referees make mistakes. I wish for a game with human error." You accept the bad call as part of the field conditions, like wind or rain, and play through it.

Politics

Your candidate loses. The Demand says, "The system is rigged! The voters are stupid!" This leads to bitterness. The Stoic says, "The people have spoken. I wish for this result because it shows me the current mind of the electorate." Now you can analyze why you lost and build a better strategy for next time.

Social Media

You post something thoughtful and someone comments, "You're an idiot." The Demand says, "People should be nice." The Stoic says, "The internet is a place of uninhibited emotion. I wish for trolls because they prove I'm saying something that matters." Block, delete, or ignore. Move on.

Interpersonal Relationships

You want your partner to be cleaner. You demand they do the dishes. They don't. You fight. The Stoic accepts, "My partner is messy. That's who they are right now." You can either accept the mess, do the dishes yourself as an act of service, or have a calm conversation about habits. But you stop being angry that they aren't someone else.

Maxims

• Love what happens.
• "Should" is the enemy of the "is."
• If the map doesn't match the terrain, the map is wrong.

In-depth Concepts

Amor Fati (Love of Fate)

This is the ultimate expression of Epictetus's rule. It isn't just "putting up with" reality (tolerance), it's embracing it (love). Earhart didn't just tolerate the adventure, she loved the challenge of it.

Hoi Polloi vs. Ho Sophos (The Many vs. The Wise)

The "Many" try to change the world to fit their mind (impossible). The "Wise" change their mind to fit the world (possible). This is the only path to Euroia (a good flow of life).