"Do not say more to yourself than the first impressions report..."
Eleanor Roosevelt was one of the most admired women in history, but she was also one of the most criticized. The press mocked her appearance, calling her "ugly" and "horse-faced." They made fun of her high-pitched voice. Political enemies attacked her activism, telling her to "stay in the kitchen."
If Eleanor had let her imagination run wild, these insults would have destroyed her. She could have told herself: "They're right. I'm hideous. I'm a failure. The whole world hates me." But Eleanor had a secret weapon. She refused to authorize the hurt.
She famously said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." This is the point that Marcus Aurelius makes. Marcus warns us about the "Tragedy of Imagination." We receive a piece of data (an impression), and then our mind instantly adds a tragic commentary to it.
- Impression: "Someone was saying negative things about you." (Fact)
- Addition: "...and that means I'm worthless and damaged." (Fiction)
Marcus reminds himself to stop at the impression. Eleanor practiced this separation. When she saw a nasty cartoon about herself, she looked at it as a fact: "This is a drawing of me." She didn't add the judgment: "This hurts me." She treated the criticism as information about the critic, not about herself. By refusing to give her consent to the insult, she remained untouchable.
The tragedy isn't what happens to us. The tragedy is the screenplay we write about what happens to us. We turn a minor setback into a Greek tragedy. We turn a rude comment into a declaration of war. If you stick to the script of reality, life is surprisingly bearable.
Errors & Corrections
- Don't be a drama queen. We love to dramatize our own suffering. "He didn't text back" becomes "I'll die alone." This is self-inflicted torture. Cut the drama. Stick to the data.
- Don't bleed before you're cut. We often imagine the pain of a future event so vividly that we feel it now. You're suffering from a ghost. If the bad thing happens, you can deal with it then. Don't pre-pay the pain.
- Don't read minds. "She gave me a weird look, she must hate me." You don't know that. Maybe she has a headache. Maybe she didn't see you. Stick to what you saw, not what you suspect.
Applications to Modern Life
Work
You get critical feedback on a project. The impression is, "The boss said the report needs work." The manufactured tragedy is, "I'm bad at my job and I'm going to get fired." The boss wants the report fixed. That's the only thing that was said. Fix the report. The rest is a script playing in your head.
Leadership
A crisis hits. Sales are down 10%. "Sales are down 10%," is the takeaway. "The company is collapsing and it's all my fault," is the catastophisizing addition. A leader who panics creates panic. A Stoic leader looks at the spreadsheet. "The number is -10%. Okay. What's the counter-move?" Deal with the math, not the myth.
Athleticism & Sport
You miss a shot. The crowd boos. You hear a loud noise happening. The tragic commentary you add is, "They hate me." The booing is just air vibrating. It can't touch your skill. It can't touch your character. It's just noise. Play the next possession.
Politics
A candidate says something outrageous. The fact of the matter is that, "He said X." The dramatic script you choose to add is, "Democracy is dead and we are all doomed." Outrage is an addiction to the tragedy of imagination. We imagine the worst-case scenario instantly. Calm down. Evaluate the actual policy. Fight it with reason, not hysteria.
Social Media
You get zero likes on a post. Plain and simply, "No data came back." Adding, "I'm irrelevant," is what you choose to add. The algorithm is a machine. It doesn't know you exist. Don't tie your self-worth to a piece of code.
Interpersonal Relationships
Your partner is quiet at dinner. The factual circumstance is that they aren't talking. The dramatic context you might add is, "They are cheating on me." Instead of imagining the worst, just ask them. "You're quiet. Everything okay?" 99% of the time, they're just tired. You nearly started a fight over a hallucination.
Maxims
- Stick to the facts.
- Don't add the "and..."
- Consent is required for injury.
In-depth Concepts
Phantasia (Impression)
This is the raw data hitting the senses. You see a shape, and you hear a sound. It's objective and automatic.
Hypolēpsis (Opinion/Assent)
This is the judgment we pass on the impression. "That shape is a lion" (Fact). "That lion is terrifying" (Opinion). The Stoic discipline is to separate the Phantasia from the Hypolēpsis. We can't control the impression, but we have absolute control over the opinion.