"When someone treats you poorly, remember: they did it because they thought it was the right thing to do for them."

In 1804, Aaron Burr, the sitting Vice President of the United States, shot and killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel. To the modern observer, this looks like senseless violence or a fit of ego. But to Burr, it was a logical necessity. Hamilton had spent years attacking Burr’s character, calling him "dangerous" and "despicable." In the code of honor of the 19th-century gentleman, to let such insults stand was to lose all social and political standing. Burr did not wake up that morning thinking, "I shall commit a crime." He thought, "I must restore my honor. This is the only path left to me." He acted according to a definition of "good" that prioritized reputation over life.

Burr was wrong. His judgment was flawed. But his action followed his judgment perfectly. This is the crucial insight Epictetus offers. No one acts contrary to what they believe is best for them in the moment. The thief steals because he believes possessing the money is better than being honest. The tyrant oppresses because he believes power is the highest good. They are not acting to be evil; they are acting to secure what they mistakenly believe is good. They are not monsters; they are bad calculators.

When you are mistreated, you usually assume the other person is motivated by pure malice. You think they are targeting you specifically to cause pain. This is rarely true. They are simply pursuing their own perceived advantage. You are just an obstacle in their road, or a tool they are using to get what they want. When you realize they are acting out of a misguided sense of "right," your anger turns to pity. You do not get angry at a blind man for stepping on your foot; these people are blind in their judgments.

Errors & Corrections

• Don't assume that people do bad things because they want to be "bad." Recognize that they do bad things because they have a mistaken view of what is "good."
• Don't take their behavior as a personal verdict on your value. Understand that their actions are a reflection of their own internal logic and priorities.
• Don't react with shock when people act selfishly. Expect that people will always act in accordance with how they view their self-interest.

Applications to Modern Life

Work

You propose a new initiative, and a colleague from another department shoots it down aggressively. It is easy to think, "He hates me," or, "He is a saboteur." Apply the principle: He is doing what he thinks is right for him. Perhaps he believes your project threatens his budget, or he thinks his alternative idea is superior for the company. He is acting to protect his interests. Once you understand his "good", you can negotiate with him. You cannot negotiate with "malice", but you can negotiate with "interest."

Politics

It is standard practice to view the opposing political party as evil enemies who want to destroy the country. This is a failure of imagination. The vast majority of voters on the other side believe their policies will save the country. They are acting on what "seems right" to them. They may be factually wrong, or their values may be misaligned with yours, but they are acting from a desire for a specific outcome they view as positive. Acknowledging this lowers the temperature and allows for analysis rather than demonization.

Interpersonal Relationships

A partner or friend cancels plans at the last minute. You feel disrespected. But look at it from their perspective: They are exhausted, or they are anxious, or they simply value their comfort in that moment more than the commitment. They made the choice that felt "right" to them in that state of mind. You can still hold them accountable for being flaky, but you do not need to invent a narrative that they secretly despise you.

Maxims

• Everyone does what seems right to them.
• They are not evil; they are mistaken.
• "It seemed so to him." (The universal explanation)

In-depth Concepts

The Socratic Paradox

Socrates famously argued that, "no one does wrong willingly." He believed that all vice is a form of ignorance. If a person truly understood that Justice was the highest good, they would never act unjustly. Therefore, when they do act unjustly, it is because they are ignorant of the true nature of the Good. They have mistaken something else (money, pleasure, power) for the Good.

Phainomenon (Appearance)

Epictetus uses the word phainomenon: that which appears to someone. We all act on our impressions of reality. If reality appears one way to me and another way to you, we will act differently. The Stoic seeks to align their phainomenon with actual nature, while the foolish man chases false appearances. Understanding this principle transforms anger into curiosity: instead of condemning the villain, we ask, "What does the world look like to them that makes this seem right?"