"If someone tells you that so-and-so speaks ill of you, do not defend yourself against what they said, but answer: 'He obviously didn't know my other faults, or he would have mentioned them too.'"

In 1858, Abraham Lincoln was engaged in a series of heated debates with Stephen Douglas for a seat in the United States Senate. Douglas was a skilled orator who often resorted to personal attacks to rattle his opponent. During one debate, Douglas accused Lincoln of being "two-faced", implying that Lincoln was a liar who changed his positions to suit the crowd.

The audience waited for Lincoln to get angry. They expected him to defend his honor and deny the charge. Instead, Lincoln looked at the crowd with a weary smile. He gestured to his own rugged, homely face and asked, "I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, do you think I would be wearing this one?"

The crowd erupted in laughter. In one sentence, Lincoln used self-deprecating humor to destroy the insult. He did not argue with Douglas. He did not get defensive. He simply agreed that he was ugly, which made the accusation of being "two-faced" seem ridiculous. Douglas was left looking mean-spirited, while Lincoln appeared confident and humble.

This story demonstrates the power of the Epictelian retort. When you defend yourself against an insult, you are signaling that the insult hurt you. You are telling the attacker that their words have value and power. You are validating their opinion.

Epictetus suggests a maneuver that functions like judo. You do not block the attack; you pull it further than the attacker intended. By admitting that you have "other faults," you are essentially saying, "You are trying to hurt me by pointing out a flaw, but I am already aware of my flaws. In fact, I have so many flaws that you missed the big ones."

This reaction proves that your ego is not involved. A person with no ego cannot be humiliated. If you are comfortable with your own imperfections, no one can use them as a weapon against you. You steal their ammunition and use it to demonstrate your own security.

Errors & Corrections

• Don't argue with subjective opinions. If someone calls you "stupid" or "lazy," arguing the opposite usually convinces them they are right. Instead, dismiss it with humor or indifference.
• Don't try to prove you are perfect. Admitting you have flaws takes the wind out of the sails of anyone trying to expose them.
• Don't mistake your reputation for your character. Your character is what you do. Your reputation is just what people say you do, and you should care far less about the latter.

Applications to Modern Life

Work

You are in a performance review and your manager points out a legitimate weakness, but does so harshly. Do not make excuses. Do not blame your team. Simply say, "You are right. That is an area where I struggle, and I actually have a few other areas I need to improve as well. I am working on them." This disarms the manager and turns a conflict into a constructive conversation.

Social Media

A stranger comments on your post saying that your idea is "the dumbest thing they have ever heard." Instead of writing a paragraph explaining why you are smart, reply with, "If you think this is dumb, you should see the first draft." You show that you do not take yourself too seriously, which usually stops the trolling immediately.

Interpersonal Relationships

A friend or partner criticizes you for being forgetful. Instead of saying, "I am not forgetful, I have a lot on my mind," say "You're right. I'm lucky I remembered to put on shoes this morning." It breaks the tension with humor and allows you to acknowledge the mistake without a fight.

Politics

Politicians often spend their time denying scandals or hiding past mistakes. A Stoic leader would own their humanity. If a past mistake is revealed, they should say, "Yes, I did that. I was foolish then. I have made other mistakes too, but I am learning from them." Voters often trust honesty more than a curated image of perfection.

Maxims

• Steal their ammunition.
• If you have no ego, you have no target.
• I am worse than you know.
• Defense is an admission of pain.

In-depth Concepts

Ataraxia (Tranquility)

This is the state of being unbothered and robust. It is the ultimate goal of Stoic training. A mind in ataraxia is like a rock in the ocean; the waves crash against it, but the rock does not move or complain. When you use self-deprecation instead of defensiveness, you are demonstrating ataraxia. You are showing that your peace of mind is not dependent on the approval of others.

Ad Hominem

This is a logical fallacy where an attacker insults the person rather than the argument. Douglas attacked Lincoln's face, not his policy. The Stoic response is to recognize the ad hominem as a failure of logic. Since the insult is irrelevant to the truth, it requires no serious defense. Treating it as a joke highlights that it was never a serious argument to begin with.