"It is a characteristic of a human being to love even those who stumble. This happens if you realize at the moment that they are kindred, and that they go wrong through ignorance and against their will."

In the 1940s, a young Jewish woman named Etty Hillesum was detained in the Westerbork transit camp during the Holocaust. She was surrounded by suffering and death. The German guards who ran the camp were part of a machine designed to destroy her people. It would've been natural for her to feel pure, burning hatred for them.

Instead, Etty looked at the guards and saw something else. In her diary, she wrote about watching a young German soldier. She didn't see a monster. She saw a miserable, frightened boy who was trapped in a system of evil. She realized that his hatred was a sickness that was destroying his own soul.

She wrote, "I don't hate you. I can't find it in myself to hate." She didn't accept what they were doing. She knew it was evil. But she refused to let their evil turn her into a hater. She recognized that even the enemy was a human being who had lost his way. She maintained her love for humanity right up until she was sent to Auschwitz, where she died.

This story is a powerful example of what Marcus Aurelius meant by, "loving those who stumble." It's easy to love people who are nice to you. It's incredibly hard to love people who are hurting you. Etty Hillesum realized that the guards were "kindred." They were human, just like her. They were acting out of "ignorance"—a deep moral blindness.

When someone hurts us, our instinct is to dehumanize them. We call them animals or monsters. This makes it easier to hate them. The Stoic practice is the opposite. We must re-humanize them. We have to remind ourselves that the person yelling or lying is a human being with fears, a family, and a confused mind.

They're "stumbling" through life. They aren't walking straight because they can't see the path of virtue. If you saw someone trip and fall on the sidewalk, you wouldn't scream at them. You'd help them up. We must view moral mistakes the same way. When someone acts badly, they've tripped. Don't kick them while they're down.

Errors & Corrections

• Don't confuse "love" with "liking." You don't have to like a person or enjoy their company to wish them well and treat them with humanity.
• Don't think that understanding their ignorance excuses their crime. You can understand why a thief steals without letting him keep your wallet.
• Don't wait for them to apologize before you show compassion. Your compassion is for your own soul, not a reward for their behavior.

Applications to Modern Life

Work

You might have a coworker who always messes up the details. It's annoying and it makes more work for you. Instead of getting angry, look at them as a "stumbler." Maybe they're overwhelmed or they weren't trained properly. If you approach them with the mindset of "how can I help this person walk straight," you'll be a mentor instead of a critic.

Politics

When you see voters on the other side supporting a policy you hate, it's easy to think they're evil. But they're your "kindred." They want safety and prosperity just like you do. They're just mistaken about how to get there. If you view them as confused neighbors rather than enemies, you can talk to them without rage.

Social Media

People on the internet often say cruel things because they forget there's a human on the other side of the screen. When you read a nasty comment, remind yourself that the writer is stumbling. They're likely unhappy and lashing out. Don't stumble with them by writing a nasty comment back.

Interpersonal Relationships

Your parents might be critical or demanding. It hurts. But try to see them as people who are struggling with their own anxieties and how they were raised. They're doing it "against their will" because they don't know any other way to be. This realization can turn your resentment into pity.

Maxims

• Hate hurts the vessel more than the contents.
• See the human, not the act.
• They are sick, not evil.
• Don't trip over the stumbler.

In-depth Concepts

Syngeneia (Kinship)

The Stoics believed in a deep connection between all rational beings. We all share a portion of the divine Logos (reason). This makes us all relatives. When you hate another human, you're fighting against your own family. You're cutting off a limb of the same body. Recognizing this syngeneia is the foundation of Stoic justice.

Akrasia (Weakness of Will)

This is the state of acting against your better judgment. Often, people know what they should do, but their passions (fear, greed, anger) are too strong. They act "against their will" because their reason has been hijacked by their emotions. They aren't in control. Understanding akrasia helps us forgive people because we realize they're not fully in the driver's seat.