"Don’t talk about what you’ve given. To remind someone of a favor is to ask for it back. Don’t press, don’t dredge it up—unless it’s by giving something new that quietly recalls the first. Don’t brag to others either. The giver should keep silent; let the receiver be the one who tells it."

Chuck Feeney, cofounder of Duty Free Shoppers, gave away the bulk of his fortune anonymously through Atlantic Philanthropies, living in a modest apartment and often refusing naming rights. For years beneficiaries didn’t know the source. When his identity became public much later, the record showed what his silence had already taught: real giving needs no applause and seeks no leverage.

Seneca’s point is surgical: a benefit that is talked about becomes a transaction. The moment you remind someone, you convert help into a bill and turn gratitude into burden. Public boasts trade the other’s need for your status; private reminders trade their dignity for your control. If you must “recall” a gift, do it only by giving again in a way that renews the good rather than collecting a debt. Justice in giving means aid that raises the recipient’s freedom while keeping your own motive clean. Speak less; help more.

Errors & Corrections

• Don’t remind them of your favor. Let gratitude be voluntary or absent.
• Don’t hint or fish for praise. Keep the gift unadvertised.
• Don’t make gifts a ledger. Close the book the moment you give.
• Don’t expect repayment in loyalty or votes. Design help with no strings.
• Don’t broadcast another’s need. Protect their privacy and dignity.

Applications to Modern Life

At work, stop invoking old favors to steer decisions; if a colleague once needed your help, let that history die unless you can help again without strings. In leadership, avoid donor theater and naming fetishes; if recognition is necessary for accountability, keep it factual and brief, centered on outcomes rather than patrons. On social media, resist the “look what we did” post that parades someone else’s hardship; publish results and ways others can help, not your role. In politics, separate aid from allegiance. Cnstituent services aren’t IOUs. In family life, don’t keep a running tab of sacrifices; when you give, release it, and when you must reference the past, do it by repeating the kindness rather than cashing it. Across domains, the test is simple: does your method leave the other more free and you less noisy?

Maxims

• Give, then forget.
• Help without theater.
• A true gift frees, not binds.

In-depth Concepts

Benefit vs. Bargain

A benefit is aimed at the recipient’s good; a bargain seeks return. Reminding converts the former into the latter and corrupts both parties.

Gratitude as a Free Act

Gratitude has moral worth only if uncoerced; pressuring for thanks abolishes gratitude and installs resentment.

Speech Ethics in Giving

Talking about gifts often shifts attention from the need to the donor; disciplined silence keeps the focus where it belongs: On the good done.

Dignity and Agency

Public reminders and boasts reduce the recipient to a prop. Giving justly protects their standing and increases their ability to act.